If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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