I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
