I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
