turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
