I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
