I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
