dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I wish life had little blips of pornography
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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