I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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