Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
