are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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