You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
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Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
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Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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