Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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