it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
