OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
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