she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
