All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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