This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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