one two three fourrrrnication!
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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