I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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