Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
