I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
