I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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