Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Randomize
