i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
