He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
