Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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