i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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