I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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