we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
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If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
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pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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