I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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