i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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