My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
