My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
