good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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