i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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