My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
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It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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