so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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