Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
