Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
