I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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