To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
