kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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