Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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