if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize