why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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