we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
