I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
