I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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