i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
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