I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
