He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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