My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Im part way to drunk.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
