apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
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Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
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Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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