If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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