You just made me feel so damn special
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
