I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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