i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
