apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
