my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
