youre lurking in front of me
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
