hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
