Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
